Some days

Do you ever feel like it is all so much?

Too much? Not exactly, but a lot.

Some days I feel it all.

From the moment I woke up today every feeling and sensation seemed amplified. The early light of the sun didn’t creep over the mountains slowly bathing the room in soft light, not today. Today it burst into the room causing me to wince and squint. The sound of the alarm clock smashed against my ears.

Downstairs the joy of a small human overloading a waffle with Nutella and whip cream, hit hard, audible laugh escaping my lips. Moments of incredible calm from a brief pause for meditation before rushing to work, the smell of incense penetrating my soul. The chai tea tasted strong, felt strong, as I sipped on the drive.

I felt the music in my core, not some special tune or anthem, but deep feeling regardless. Vibrations from different humans plastering the space and me with the energy and emotion they uniquely carry; pain, hope, fear, anger. I feel it all. Without words. Without sounds.

A brief respite, a walk outside, clears the mind, yet the feelings continued. I want to cry, I want to smile, I want to scream, I want to laugh. It is all so much. The sun heats skin, the breeze, gentle, blows through my being.

Back to the vibrations; more humans, more emotion. Waves of it crashing over and around me; joy, sadness, envy, rage. It cannot be escaped. It can be felt, endured.

Why are there days where it is so much? What is different about these days that makes me so sensitive?

I go and sit by the river. It flows calmly on, persistent and patient. A duck quacks, a fish leaps. The vibrations quiet. Wind in the trees, a butterfly silently flaps by, I sit, I feel.

I wonder why today is like it is. It is all so much. There was a time, not long ago where I felt nothing, numb and flat. Despite there being challenging vibrations, negative energy, there is also the positive, the joy.

I’m grateful to feel it all, and to feel it in my soul.